Wednesday, November 10, 2010


In Swamiji's morning Satsangs He is talking on Bhakti (Devotion) every day He is revealing another component. Today is was on Prema Bhakti (the highest form of love for God) it has been described as desperate longing, a person drowning and grasping for air. He says "You don't own Bhakti, Bhakti owns you." It is nothing that can be possessed it can only posses you. When we try to put words to our love and devotion we diminish it, Bhakti can only be experienced.
The best way I can describe my experience is when the Guru enters your life it's as if He moves into your house, rearranges ALL the furniture, throws out all the trash and makes Himself comfortable in the couch of your heart. He declares permanent residence and nothing can be done but pure surrender.
When everything else fails in life and we come to the conclusion that life is purposeless all we have left is our love and devotion to the Supreme we can relax in the ultimate ecstasy by letting go of what is not real and surrendering to what is Real.

When success stops impressing me
And I fall into the depression of my being
Let me feel your enveloping Presence
And heed Your call, O Arunachala! ~Paramahamsa Nithyanada

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

When the Urgency Becomes Urgent

When the Urgency becomes Urgent
How Swamiji’s blessings brought me from Canada to India

Nithyanandam! My name is Ma Ananda Sangavasini. I would like to share an amazing story with you. This story is about how Paramahamsa Nithyananda, lovingly referred to as Swamiji, came into my life and brought me to India in a miraculous way.

For the last ten years I have lived in Canada, North America. In September 2009 I went to Kalpataru, Vancouver, meeting Swamiji for the first time. I asked Swamiji to help me come to LBE (Life Bliss Engineering) as I had no money at all, only financial debts. The tuition fee was USD$8000. Swamiji blessed me and answered with “I’ll take care, Ma”.

From my own experience I would like to share how this process went. Along the way, like many others, I faced challenges, doubts and negative thoughts that could have stopped my from going. I know many of us are going through this. May this be an inspiration for you to see what I did and how many miracles happen that can happen to you too!!!

Clarifying Some Myths…
One myth is the idea that Westerners have lots of money and it’s no problem for them to pay $6000 or $8000. The other myth is that people who attend the LBE or I.A. program don’t have anything to take care of to come to the program, that it was just easy for them to just come and spend 3 weeks or 3 months in India. Sometimes people commented: “You are So Lucky.” I can tell you, these myths are both false. For one, the living standards in the West are very costly, so many people have credit cards, debts and not a lot of money. Secondly, to be able to come here, there is no “Luck” involved. In most cases it takes tremendous courage and the willingness to drop certain things to be able to come.

While in the LBE program, I was often joking with fellow participants. Most of us were either homeless, without a job, or both, in order to make it to the program. All of us agreed that we had never been happier, more blissful in our life, and would not have wanted to miss the tremendous experience and transformation for anything in the world. All I can say is: there is nothing else in life that could be more beneficial for you. Don’t miss this amazing opportunity! If it can happen for me, it can, and will, happen for you. Just be open.

If Not Now, When?
There were many times when situations came up that could have been considered obstacles, that would have prevented me from going. Nevertheless, the urge had become urgent; the intense desire to wake up from the dream was undeniable. The wish to live a blissful, amazing life had become stronger then these self limiting thoughts and depressing life I had been living. Even when negative thoughts would come, I would not buy into them. There were many times when friends told me; “Maybe you are not meant to go this time” or the thought would come “maybe this is not the right time, first I have to take care of this and that, I’ll wait until the next program.” Believing these thoughts was simply not an option for me. I strongly felt, after so many years of intense searching and longing: If not Now, When?

Blissful Sharing to Support You
The reason why I want to share my experience with you, is because sometimes we don’t have the support in our lives that we need. We might not understand what we are going through and might not have the kind of people around us to uplift us. This journey can be so confusing. My wish is that through my sharing, it might bring more clarity to you. After all, we are all in the same boat, we are all going through the same process. The question we can ask is; how badly do we want to change our lives? When we’ve had enough suffering, when the intensity and surrender to the master is there, it will simply happen. Just like it did with me. Sometimes we might think that after Swamiji blesses, the money will just fall into our lap. Through my direct experience I can say that this is not true; we have to take action and play our role too!

My challenges were:
• I had to move out of the rental home within two months after I moved in (the only way I could afford to go to India was not having to pay rent) which resulted in me having to go to the small claims court with the landlady as I had signed a one year lease.
• I had to put my belongings in storage;.
• No money: I was self employed with a very small income, no savings, no assets and a credit card that was maxed out. I had no possessions of any value that I could sell.
• I needed someone to take care of my dog for three months
• This all happened in September, which was only two months away from the start of the program. To be able to make my dream come true, the amount of USD$10.000 minimum would had to show up within this time frame. Something unheard of for someone like me.

All in all, it didn’t look very good. When Swamiji said “I’ll take care, Ma” during the Kalpataru, I knew that he meant it. I also realized my role in it - I took action. Not forcefully, but intuitively. I tried everything I could possibly think of. In this, I realized that the process had already begun, even before I arrived in India. It showed me again that Swamiji is with us, no matter how ‘far’ we think the physical distance is. For Him, there is no physical distance. When He says “I’m with you”, He is. Right here. Right now.

The actions I took:
• I continuously asked Swamiji for guidance, no matter what challenge came up;
• To get the tuition fee, I tried everything I could think of. I applied for a line of credit, a credit card, even a line of credit with a friend as a sponsor but nothing worked out;
• I had to tell my employer that I would have to quit my job for the time I was in India;
• I did fundraisers, asked for small loans and donations;
• A dear friend lend me money to buy the plane ticket, even though I had no funds to pay the tuition fee for the LBE program;
• I got my Visa to enter India, before I had the tuition fee.
• Daily I visualized myself being in India. For example, when I practiced Nithya Dhyaan, I visualized myself sitting in the meditation hall at Swamiji’s ashram with hundreds of other people. I felt intensely the joy that I “made it there”, that it had happened.
• I asked my friend if he could take care of my dog.

The miracles that happened in the process:
• I won the court case with the landlady. In the process I faced tremendous fears amongst other emotions and worked through those with the grace of Swamiji;
• I experienced deeply what Swamiji had told me at the Kalpataru: “I’ll take care”. Such tremendous trust and love started to flow in my being more and more as I went through this experience;
• Through different means, the money started to flow in: a friend sold his guitar and had done fundraiser meditations for me. He just gave me $1400 with wanting anything in return. I did fundraisers myself, the store that I work out of did fundraisers for me, I got some small loans and people just gave money to me. Even several people that just knew me only from volunteering at the Satsangs gave me $500 with not wanting anything back!
• Not only did I find a place to stay for my dog, another friend donated food for her during my stay in India!
• The amazing miracle that happened: I MADE IT TO INDIA through Swamiji’s grace only. TWO DAYS before I boarded the plane, all the funds came together! Not only $10.000, but $12.000 dollar came my way within two weeks!!! So now, not only could I go to the LBE, but, as I intensely wanted, I was even able to go to the Khumba Mela!!!
• Through this experience, I felt the deep love, care and compassion of people and the experience that people do care, that the universe supports us. So often, even when I was here at the ashram, I would break down into tears of deep love and gratitude for Swamiji and for all those who had made it possible for me to come to the ashram. If I would have just gotten the line of credit, I would have missed out on this amazing experience. I would not have wanted to miss this in the world!!

Words of Inspiration for You
• Intensity is the key! Simply be intense in your desire to come to the program.
• Visualize daily that it has already happened, and feel it in your whole being. Even as you go throughout your day, do not say anything that will contradict this. Just keep visualizing, and have fun with it. Feel the excitement.
• Watch Swamiji’s discourses daily, surround yourself with His energy as much as you can. Ask Swamiji to help and guide you. Drop expectations of how you think it should happen!! Allow the intelligence to do the job.
• Don’t listen to or mother any negativity, whether it is from your own thoughts or from other people. Anything is possible when you believe in it! Don’t suppress it, but just see that they are fish jumping out of the water. They are not real.
• Take action when action is required. This is about taking responsibility. I believe that the biggest misconception is that we think just because of Swamiji’s blessing we can be lazy and it will all happen automatically. NO! We have to play our part too.

My deep wish is that this was of some help. When I went through all this, at times I felt utterly insecure and totally desperate when things did not go as I expected. There were many times where I was not sure if it was going to happen. All I could think of, was this: Swamiji has said it, so it will happen. I surrendered it all to Him. And look at what happened! I know that like me, many people have experienced the same thing. And you can be one of them!!

If you have any questions or would like some personal feedback you can contact me in person at

Thursday, November 4, 2010

The Epic of Silence

Two days ago Swamiji reinitiated us into conscious awareness again. He did it back in LEP and that lasted a whole day if that. Why is it so hard to slow down and be fully aware of our actions, thoughts and emotions? Why are we such in a hurry? What are trying to achieve? Where are we trying to go? What’s the rush? When I really stop to answer those questions. I have to honestly have to say I am exactly where I want to be! So why I am I rushing around, I’m here. There is no goal to achieve. The only goal I have cared to strive for has been self-realization and I am here to do that. What else is there? Just at that moment like a lightening bolt I came to the conclusion I am exclusively here for that right here right now. This is the time and place to do it not later. The environment has been set for me to do and come out of these samskaras (engrams).
The prior few days I was experiencing severe upper back pain which was usually related to stress. But now I have no stress, I have not had stress in over a year. So I figured I needed to apply some awareness to this situation. I came to the realization that it was due to my unawares in my body in the way I moved and the thoughts that I was entertaining. I was always moving around in rush mode totally unconscious just out of habit. I had a huge click when I was doing my morning yoga practice. I was getting ready to leave and I picked up my clock all the sudden I recognized how I aggressively I picked it up. I was shocked, then I realized there was so much tension in all of my movements, I could literally feel anxiety running like a current through my system. It was as if I was playing out an old record on repeat. Simultaneously I felt compassion for my muscles and every living organism in my body. What was I doing to it with this mind set? I could only be causing myself harm with those thoughts running through me. No wonder my shoulders hurt!
I have been blessed to experience amazing bouts of awareness lately, but I know I could take it deeper and going into silence would take me there. Swamiji says that when you stop talking on the outside you stop talking on the inside. By reducing my chatter on the outside I have more energy to monitor my thoughts and actions. Not only this the past few days we have been working on re- living the past to relieve it and needless to say my emotions have been quite volatile. I have been waking up with intense anger and irritation (again I have not experienced such strong emotions like this in over a year pre- India) for no such reason. And to make it even more interesting throw in a nice helping of depression into the mix. What the heck is going on? Anyhow, I just figured for the safety of all concerned myself included I needed to go into silence and sort this out once and for all. I want this stuff to leave me forever.
Lot’s of interesting things are coming up during this process. Today has been my 3rd day in silence and originally I thought I would see if I can make it a whole 3 days and I am here and have no desire to speak. I find that the longer I remain silent the deeper I go more layers to unravel. Being in silence has really taught me how to monitor my thoughts in my conversations. The problem is I can’t control others words as I have a conversation with them so not speaking right now is the right solution. I am trying to tame my negative chatter not contribute to it. I just know that the state I am in my ego would want to contribute and that would be self defeating.
There is a big difference between the intellectual understanding of awareness and the actual experience of awareness. When it experienced in you system it creates permanent changes within your DNA. Stubborn persistent samskaras leave your being forever.
I know this may sound crazy but it has been my true experience of only 3 days of silence. I am going to tell you a secret. I have always had a fear of not having enough food therefore I hoard it like a squirrel or worst yet stock up for the next world war. Thus which leads to overeating, which leads to guilt, shame and all sorts of gross emotions. Anyhow, a few days ago Swamiji talked about 2nd layer past life healing. He said that obesity is caused by fear and guilt from past lives. It could have either been from starving to death or stealing food from others. This is why we feel the need to store it in our current body, which turns into accumulated fat. I have always suspected I starved and drowned (I will elaborate on that revelation later) in a past life. It was something I just have known and now it makes complete sense why I do the things I do.
If you learn to bring awareness to every moment every action, everything that happens becomes lessons and transforming energy in you and these samskaras (engrams) leave you. Ok, so this is the cool part. I have actually felt and look thinner in just 3 days and that would be without me trying because I’m not going to lie I have been eating sweets (but with full awareness, whatever that means). What this means is I am digesting what is needed and releasing what is not needed and this is how we are liberated from our past and we are healed. This is the power of awareness. Stay tuned as I continue to reveal more in depth revelations regarding silence and awareness.