Even as I try and write this blog I am battling with my resistance is the same way I resist my yoga asana practice. The minute I sit down to write, something else more enticing seems to be bargaining for my attention. It’s a silly game I play with myself again and again. It’s like a challenge to see who is going to win; my ego based self or my True Self. Constantly this fight is going on within.
One day when I was trying to talk myself into doing a much difficult asana I suddenly realized how much resistance I was having to it. I didn’t want to do, it was too painful, oh some day I will practice it, I don’t have enough time, etc. as the list of excuses streamed through my head. Not only was I having physical resistance but psychological resistance as well. Then almost instantly I noticed that I do the same thing in my life when I have to do something that I really would rather not do but know it is for my highest good. The same scenario plays out all the sudden I seem to be hungry, hhmm, maybe I’ll have some tea or I have to go to the bathroom (the classic escape route). Frantically my mind is thinking of things I could be doing except for what I really need to be doing. I was creating all these distractions to avoid the pain either externally or internally. I was allowing myself to be in bondage of procrastination. Putting off what could be achieved today. The beautiful thing about doing yoga asanas is, when done with complete awareness and being fully conscious of your breath it brings you directly into the moment in that space of pratyahara (withdrawal of the senses). If I just fully allow myself to be completely present and breath through the discomfort, the pain disappears then I feel as if I created space for something new. It’s as if this physical release is causing a psychological breakthrough. So if it is true that we really do hold samskaras (engraved memories) in our muscles, then when I am doing as asana with complete full awareness and releasing the physical tension I am releasing the psychological tension as well. Moving through my asana practice unconsciously is the same as moving through my life unconsciously. This is the main reason why I do yoga is to awaken my awareness in all aspects of my being. If I can achieve this in my physical body I can certainly achieve this in my external world. So the next time I am struggling with Urdvha Dhanurhasana I have to remind myself it is part of my breakthrough.
“The intention with which we do something and the awareness while we are doing something that is responsible for making us experience the stat of nithya ananda.” ~Paramahamsa Nithyananda